Heavy Breathing...

No, and not the good kind either.

I listen to heavy breathing mixed in with some random muttering for about 15 hours a day. That's if he's sleeping well. If he's not resting quietly, I hear more muttering.

My favorite part of the day has now become the 'morning wakeup'.
I'm greeted by any one of a zillion possibilities when I ask the same question, "How did you sleep?"

Most times, he will start with, "Just fine, but..." and that's the point where things get interesting.

Here are a few examples:

"I slept great, except for all the kids running around in here." (There were none)
"I slept fine but I'm tired from packing cheese all night." (Uh...ok)
"Awful, that lady kept walking around in here and wouldn't leave." (Wasn't me I swear!)

So you see, things can get kind of interesting.
The other night he got up during the night to use the bathroom. Good deal, I say. Well, unfortunately for my poor kitty, he locked the cat in his room with him. Then reported to me that the cat was scratching at the door all night. Well, yea...

The night before last his overhead light was on in the morning when I went in. He told me he got up during the night needing to use the bathroom, turned it on, then laid down and fell asleep before he could get up again to turn it off.

My thoughts

Sometimes I feel like I'm watching a really bad sitcom. Sometimes I feel so sad for this wonderful man trapped inside a body that no longer works the right way for him. Sometimes I get impatient and angry that he's not more cooperative or functional. Some days I wish he wasn't here, but then I feel guilty for thinking that way. In a weird way, I guess I actually like the 'quiet days' when he barely gets out of bed. It at least lets me keep track of him easily.
I'm running on zero some days, most days really. My house is actually dirty. And yet, when I get 5 minutes or even a solid hour of time to myself, what do I do? I sit here at the computer. Some day this will all work itself out I know, but it's the in-between crap that really just bites the big one.